just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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