just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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