My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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