i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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