Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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