It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize