Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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