I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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