new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize