I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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