I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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