Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize