My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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