we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize