We're facebook friends in real life
Dignity is for republicans.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize