i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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