Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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