Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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