I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
