Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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