His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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