You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize