I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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