if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize