Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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