I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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