I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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