Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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