perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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