shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize