I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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