I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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