I wish my penis had an off switch
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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