Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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