I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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