One girl and one boy is just not enough.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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