If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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