I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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