thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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