would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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