first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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