I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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