I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize