You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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