my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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