I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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