He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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