I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize