How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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