eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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